Bringing up dating to a girl
It’s the kind of thing that will be defined naturally by him calling you every day, spending every weekend with you, introducing you to his friends and family, and so on.In other words, you should both “know” what you are without a heavy discussion.Thus, you’re judging him not merely for your feelings towards him, but rather his consistent efforts to call you and see you over the course of a month. How many of those same men prove to do it over and over and over again for 4-6 weeks? An easier way to look at this is that you have MUCH more information about a person after, say, 7-8 dates than you do after 2-3 dates.If he’s still a good guy who calls consistently, sees you consistently, and seems to want to be monogamous, then you should feel secure in giving him a shot, as opposed to doing what most of us do: hopping into bed first, “committing”, and realizing that we’ve made a terrible choice due to chemistry.You can theoretically have unprotected sex with a stranger in the bathroom of a bar and end up spending the rest of your life with him.That does not inherently make this an effective strategy. Don’t stop seeing other guys until he’s acting like your boyfriend In my 11 years as a dating coach, I’ve repeatedly seen the power of chemistry.Just wait to see if he’s acting like a boyfriend FIRST; don’t treat him like one until he’s earned it. Practice sexclusivity (particularly if you can’t handle no-strings-attached sex) I’ve written about this extensively, so I won’t rehash the entire argument.But, in short, if you are the type of woman who does not like the feeling of sleeping with a man when you have no idea whether he’s your boyfriend, STOP sleeping with men who are not your boyfriend.
But, I am equally scared of pushing for something that is happening naturally and perhaps making him feel pressured and stressed about something that is easy and great, naturally. If I talk with him, how do I bring up being exclusive so that he doesn’t feel pressured?
And, if I don’t talk with him immediately, when is the right time to talk about being exclusive (if he doesn’t bring it up)? I’m going to give you a cheat sheet to tell you the most effective way to get into a relationship with a new guy.
Before I do, I’d like to pre-empt all of the people who are inclined to tell me I’m wrong because they did it another way: yes, there are 100 ways to do things.
This is not to say that it’s “wrong” to commit to someone before 4 weeks; merely that you’ll have a better sense of who you’re committing if you vet him first, instead of giving him a free pass to boyfriend-hood because you like him and want to sleep with him.
To the original poster’s point, you really shouldn’t have to “bring up” whether he’s your boyfriend.
After emailing with a bunch of losers online, she meets a guy whose profile knocks her socks off.