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Most widow(er)s probably wouldn’t expect or want for you to be just like their late spouse, so there’s little use in wondering if you’ll “measure up”.
Be yourself and try to create your own unique and fulfilling relationship.
Keogh recommends taking things slow with a widower, especially during the first few months of a relationship.
Even if your guy tells you that he is in love and ready to start a new life, he may not be ready to move on. You may feel the urge to take control and be the one who makes all the plans in your relationship, when dating a widower.
If the widower is not willing to stand up for you -- he may not yet be ready to move on past his grief.
As a follow-up to our article, here are more thoughts on navigating the often tricky waters of dating someone who is beginning to date after grieving the untimely loss of their partner or spouse – from Members of our own Widow/Widowers community here on e Harmony Advice, in their own words.
Everyone mourns differently, so widows/widowers must be careful not to let other people dictate the speed of their recovery.”“Too many variables to say what is right for anyone the old year thing is probably wise as a minimum. I didn’t quite make the 1 year wait to date thing…and I made a mess, I think I will use 5 years to remarry as a minimum.“This is variable, and having been married to a widower, been widowed and later marrying another widower as well as encountering several men on the widow/widower board, I have noticed that men seem to be ready earlier than women.
Also, if the person was terminally ill and that illness took a long time to run it’s course, the widowed person may have done a lot of grieving prior to the actual occurrence of death and might be ready to date earlier than ‘the experts’ predict.
Not all comparisons are bad; they are simply an acknowledgement that something is different than something else.
The widower must eventually develop a new relationship with his late wife -- which could take months or years depending on his unique situation.
In the "Third Age" article "Top Five Issues to Consider When Dating a Widow or Widower," John Gray, author of the book "Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" notes that children may be jealous of a new romantic partner in the life of a parent.
Is it common for widow(er)s to compare new dates to their former spouse?
Annother:“It’s not the comparison one might assume it to be.
As you’ll see from the passages below, everyone’s reaction to their circumstance, opinions and experiences are going to be different, so it’s important to keep in mind the specific needs of your match as you progress.